Typically, if there was a medication that interfered with breastfeeding, I just wouldn't take it, but this jaw weirdness got all of a sudden really bad- like it hurts a lot just to chew.
So, I'm eating oatmeal, soup, and smoothies, and Aeli's eating formula.
It kills me a little bit though. First and foremost because, he tries to snuggle up and is cry/whine/rooting trying to get milk from me, the person he can always count on at least for that- and I can't give it to him. I wonder if that's how it's felt for Stefin every time he was holding A when he was really hungry. I guess it's probably the first of many many times where I'll feel frustrated that I can't provide everything our child wants/needs.
And of course, he's getting what he needs. Stefin gave him a formula bottle in the middle of the night, which I know so many other families have done for a much longer time. He'll be fine, and I'll be fine too. It's only been 2-3 feedings, but I already miss those snuggly moments when he'd be nursing, and kind of gently scratching my side where his hand rested.
But stressing about that will not help this crazy jaw situation (Sunday night I told Stefin it felt like I had a chopstick lodged between my ear and the back corner of my jaw, and when I chewed it was like that area was filled with marbles or Scrabble pieces). Stress was probably what made it so much worse. So I'm stretching more and drinking tea instead of coffee and trying not to clench like I do sometimes at Aeli (a habit I think to avoid acting too much like Elmira from Looney Tunes).
So, that's a big nuisance in my lovely little life right now, that compounded with last minute schedule changes, made for a pretty overwhelming day yesterday.
This, however, cracks me up:
It's just like that page in "I'll Love You Forever."
And I will. And he will be loved thoroughly whether he's drinking formula or breastmilk.
And hopefully this isn't the end of breastfeeding, just a handful-of-days hiatus...
Man, remember those days when I said "Ouch!" every time he latched on?
So much has grown and changed.
Also:
Oh, so sorry about the TMJ and the breast milk and worrying about the baby. You're right, he will be fine, I think it's always harder on us than them.
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