How Can I Explain?

During our months of deliberating whether we should root down in New Orleans or head back West, I worried about what it might be like to raise a white male in The South- in a city where the divide between the haves and have-nots is still so blatantly racial. How well would we be able to instill our values of equality and respect for all beings in an environment that so visibly does not reflect those values? When a young child sees that the "good schools" in the city tend to be filled with light-colored kids, and the "bad schools" look the opposite, how is she not going to start building a worldview in which white people seem smarter than non-whites? When he sees the "arrests" page of the newspaper and notices that nearly all of the criminals on that page are dark, what conclusions is his fresh little brain going to draw? This still scares me, but I know that this truth is just part of it. Experience shapes our perceptions, and as a human, I think it's my responsibility to seek out diverse experiences, in hopes of balancing out some of my bias. As a parent, I recognize it's my responsibility to provide my son with counter examples for all the racist, sexist, everything-ist images, words, and ideas he is sure to be saturated with in the dominant culture.

It's going to be difficult.

The other day, I struggled to figure out how to respond to Aeli's question when we drove past a middle-aged black man with a "Homeless, Anything Helps" sign on the corner. A's "What's he doin?" was followed by so many "Why"s, I eventually said something like, "Because there's a lot that isn't fair about our world," and then pointed out how we could see the moon even though it was a bright sunny day.

Also lately, maybe just because I've been hungrier for new music and therefore listening to more radio hits- I am noticing more of the unfortunate situation of good songs + stupid videos. The misogynistic Blurred Lines would just be boring if it wasn't so insulting. Thank god, lots of clever people (holler @ModCarousel and Ann Powers!) have responded with their 2-cents, and videos that are fun to watch prove a point. (You really should click those last two links if you have not yet seen this stuff.)

Alt-J's Breezeblocks (so great to listen to!) is a horrific, artsy depiction of domestic violence homicide. Outraged and uncomfortable, I googled "breezeblocks controversy video"and found little but this Huffington Post article describing it as "downright enthralling." NME at least called the work "macabre" but also "a triumph," and neither said anything about domestic violence. BLAAAUUGGHHH!!!!

To prevent a for-true rant, let me instead just present some facts.
From the Center for Disease Control:
-Intimate partner violence resulted in 2,340 deaths in one year (2007), accounting for 14% of the nation's homicides (That's more than one in ten. Killed by the person who purports to love them).
-70% of those victims were female.
-24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the US. That's more than 12 million people each year.
-More than 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking in their lifetime.

Part of the recommendation for prevention, according to the CDC:

Prevention efforts should start early by promoting healthy, respectful relationships in families by fostering healthy parent-child relation ships and developing positive family dynamics and emotionally supportive environments. These environments provide a strong foundation for children, help them to adopt positive interactions based on respect and trust, and foster effective and non-violent communication and conflict resolution in their peer and dating relationships. It is equally important to continue addressing the beliefs, attitudes and messages that are deeply embedded in our social structures and that create a climate that condones sexual violence, stalking, and intimate partner violence.

Did you notice the part where it says, "it is equally important to continue addressing the beliefs, attitudes and messages that are deeply embedded... [and] create a climate that condones...violence" ?! Yeah! 

The CDC says that! The CDC is filled with SCIENTISTS! Who rely on objective data, and measurements, and peer-reviewed research, and math! Oh and also: IT MAKES COMMON SENSE.

So maybe make a comment on that video. Or write a letter to somebody about the legislation that supports victims of domestic violence (like VAWA) and other legal and judicial stuff that doesn't. Or even just have a conversation about DV with a friend, family member, or colleague. I'm not saying anyone should boycott any of the gross videos I mentioned above (they are art, after all, even though they are also products of commercialism), just for godsakes SAY something about stuff you notice. Especially when it perpetuates mindsets that in turn perpetuate sucky things like racism, sexism, and violence.

Jeez, now I feel like I need a drink. Coffee with ice cream and Bruno Mars' "Treasure," might do the trick.